TITLE: Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice
RATED: PG-13, for superhero violence and angst
GENRE: Action, Adventure, Superhero
STARRING: Ben "I can be Batman if I want to be Batman" Affleck, Henry Cavill as Superman's chin dimple, Amy Adams as the character that taught girls everywhere that almost dying is the only way to get your man's attention, and Jesse Eisenberg as the only character Jesse Eisenberg ever plays
NOTABLE CREW: Directed by Zack Snyder, you know, the guy who brought us the classic superhero hits: Shirtless Spartans Yell in Slow Motion, Dr. Manhattan's Enormous Blue Wang, and, who can forget, Sucker Punch
WHAT IT'S ABOUT: Fearing that the actions of Superman are left unchecked, Batman takes on the Man of Steel.... also Lex Luthor decides he hates Superman for no apparent reason and uses General Zod's old stuff to mess with him.... also Wonder Woman is there, you know, just hanging out.
WHAT I THINK: This could have been a very good set of movies. Unfortunately, instead of these stories being given the treatment they deserve by being broken up into at least three movies, they were all shoved into a bloated 2 hours and 31 minutes of what is clearly DC's impatient attempt to catch up with the scope of the Marvel Cinematic Universe (current movie count: 12) in a single stroke. (Current DC universe movie count: 2). Also, I appreciated the nods to famous comic storylines, but that appreciation faded into resentment as I realized that those, better plotted, stories were not what I was going to see on the screen. Not that there weren't good parts. There were good parts. (Ben Affleck's Batman was the high point of the film.) But that was the problem, you see. It was good as parts. Not so much as a whole.
WHO SHOULD WATCH IT: Fans of Man of Steel.
COOL FACTOIDS: This is the 10th time Batman has been portrayed since 1943. Superman has been portrayed 16 times since 1939.